Thursday, April 27, 2006

Scooby Doo Gang Outsources Detective Work

The gang doing research in the boom years

The Scooby Doo gang has decided to outsource future mystery work citing high operation costs, and shrinking returns. Profits were down 17.3% in the first quarter of 2006; a downward trend, which has been consistent since the September 11th attacks.

"The gang and I just are thrilled about outsourcing our crime solving work," stated Fred Jones the group leader of Mystery Inc. "We must maximize returns for our groovy investors: Mrs. Finkle and Mr. Tindle."

"I sure going to miss driving around the Mystery Machine solving crimes though," said Velma Dinkley. "But Fred is right. India can solve these crimes faster than we ever could imagine using high tech computer simulation tools. Jinkies, they must never sleep."

"I am looking forward the break," said Daphne Blake. "It will give me time to make fun of Velma and make out with Fred in the back of the van. He's so dreamy."

"We had to let Shaggy and Scooby go in the last round of cuts," said Fred with a touch of sadness in his voice. "They simply were costing too much. All the Scooby Snacks, monster sandwiches, medical marijuana, and fines were causing us to defunct on our van loan. Besides, they never really helped much. I think we just kept them around for comic relief. I miss those two a lot though."

Mystery work has been hard to come by lately for the group due to bad publicity received on several cases.

"Mystery Inc? Don't get me started," exclaimed sheriff Buck Waters. "That group has caused me so much misery with their shotty detective work and knowitallism. The old Peterson's place was haunted, I tell you. Then this group of rotten teenage brats come in and proves me wrong. They made me look like an ass."

"Now now Paul, I kind of thought the stoner kid was alright," said Mrs. Waters. "Such a skinny one, he was."

Shaggy and Scooby Doo have tried on multiple occasions to startup their own competing mystery gang called, "The Scooby Doo Group Inc." Unfortunately they were unable to secure startup money from venture capitalist. Lately the pair of misfits can be seen on the carnival circuit doing odd jobs and making faces in the hall of mirrors.

"Like yikes, man. Scooby and I were just bummed out about the news," said Norville "Shaggy" Rogers. "We still can't get over how Fred just let us go like that. I sure am going to miss smoking a dooby in that van and getting freaked out all the time."

" Shwaggy, I'm hungwy," cried Scooby Doo.

"Yeah I know Scoob. But we split the last Scooby Snack a half hour ago," groaned a dejected Shaggy. " Looks like monster sandwiches won't be on the menu for us tonight."

Shares of Mystery Inc. closed at $.13 last Wednesday; a penny increase from last week.

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