Saturday, August 09, 2008

U of M Head Coaching Job

For those who don't know, I applied for the head coaching position at The University of Michigan. For some unknown reason, they decided to give it to West Virginia coach Rich Rodriguez instead of me. Go figure. My disappointed has passed, though I'm still upset I did not receive a rejection letter. They might ruin their chances of getting me when Rodriguez fails. Still, I thought I would re-post my letter, which I actually sent along with my regular resume. ENJOY!

Mr. William C. Martin
Director of Athletics
Athletic Department
University of Michigan
1000 South State Street
Ann Arbor, MI 48109-2201

Dear Mr. Martin:

I would like to officially apply for the open head coaching position at The University of Michigan. As a 1997 graduate of The University of Michigan and a lifelong and devoted “Michigan man”, I understand the skills necessary to succeed as Michigan’s head coach. I believe I possess these skills and would like the opportunity to discuss my qualifications in more detail. Enclosed is my resume for your review.

My background demonstrates that I have the leadership and communication skills, along with the brilliant football acumen, necessary to excel as the head football coach at The University of Michigan. I graduated from The University of Michigan in 1997 with B.S. degrees in BOTH Economics and Mathematics. During my time at Michigan, I attended nearly all home games, including all games during the championship season of 1997. In addition, I attended numerous games prior to my college years and have watched nearly all Michigan football games over the past 25 years – from Bo to Mo to Lloyd. As the coach of Michigan, I would utilize these observations to vanquish any foes that stand in Michigan’s way. GO BLUE!

In addition to my impressive football experience, I have demonstrated an exceptional level of football tactical success. Throughout my life, I have repeatedly suggested a play prior to the snap that when actually called resulted in an above average gain. In fact, often times when the play I suggested is not run, the resulting play results in a below average gain or even a loss of yardage. Given my unmatched play calling abilities, Michigan’s offense would most assuredly shatter existing records under my leadership.

Over the last 10 years I have honed my football coaching abilities through fantasy football and video games. Every year I play in at least 1 fantasy football league and usually finish in the upper echelon, culminating in my championship runner-up season in 2003. I have also been crowned NCAA champion over 15 times playing as The University of Michigan through PlayStation’s NCAA Gamebreaker ’99 game, even winning once with settings above Easy. These years of successful coaching have prepared me for the rigors of the Big 10 Conference, where I intend to reel off decades of Big Ten dominance.

As someone who has excelled in making the transition from the business world to the athletic world, you understand how my business world experiences will perfectly translate to the head coaching position. Throughout my professional career, I have increased my responsibilities resulting in multiple promotions. I have had the opportunity to lead various meetings and on a handful of occasions have even lead projects. These leadership skills will be applied to guide The University of Michigan football team to victory and ensure they remain the champions of the West.

I have also developed effective communication skills that will be utilized for recruiting and motivating athletes. Through my improv training at Second City, combined with my natural acting abilities, I have the versatility to modify my coaching persona not only to best fit the personality of my team but also to lure the best athletes to play at Michigan. This will result in Michigan collecting the most talented athletes with motivation tailored to each player, ensuring the talent I have assembled is maximized. In addition, my recruiting abilities have resulted in over 100 friends on MySpace. Those who stay will become champions.

Based on my background, I believe I am the most qualified candidate to lead the University of Michigan football team in the upcoming season. I look forward to discussing the position in more detail.

Hail to the Victors!

Tom Gould ‘97


sports silly funny comedy University of Michigan coaching football college Rich Rodriguez


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