Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Fast Food Mayor Declares Support for McCain

In a brief press conference yesterday, Mayor McCheese of McDonaldland declared his support for Republican presidential hopeful John McCain.

"John McCain may not have a head made out of a genetically modified cow meat and cheese, but he has my support," declared the embattled mayor in front of crowd of 100 people.

"McCain is a president who will protect McDonaldland from terrorists who wish to disrupt our way of life and take away our freedom fries. I believe he will support my innovative "No Cheeseburger Left Behind" tax cut program, which ensures that all Americans can purchase tasty McDonald's food products."

America's Tastiest Mayor Supports Republican Presidential Hopeful, John McCain

"John McCain has ensured me that if elected, he will put an end to the frivolous 1973 Sid and Marty Krofft lawsuit, which threatens our very existence. Make no mistake. John is the man for the job."

The mayor's announcement was greeted with enthusiastic applause despite the mayor's mounting national unpopularity.

Allegations of incompetence, the intentional mercury poisoning of Fish Fillet Lake, and failure to protect Hamburger patch from increasing Hamburglar attacks have plagued the Mayor since he took office in 1971. Local support for the Mayor has never been stronger.

The attendees of the announcement included a fast food clown with arteries of grease, an obese bird who wears protective gear due to flying mishaps, and a purple tub of lard with an IQ of 67 that some say resembles a gumdrop.

The purple gumdrop who identified himself as Grimace was breathlessly chanting McCain throughout the speech while drinking a large chocolate shake.

McDonaldland is traditionally a rich Republican stronghold. It was the only city in America, which signed a resolution to vote out Congress in protest to Nixon's resignation.

"Yes, we identified strongly with Nixon," said fast food clown Ronald McDonald.

"It was during his years that the McDonald's organization and McDonaldland in particular rose into the American consciousness. I have a cherished framed picture of myself shaking Nixon's hand hanging in my library. I'm still loving it."

John McCain did not formally accept Mayor McCheese's endorsement. Spokesperson Judy Gordy elaborated on the campaign's decision.

"Mayor McCheese is a true American, who is now facing a vast liberal conspiracy. Although John appreciates his support, we can not formally accept the endorsement until the "Fish Fillet Lake Mercury Gate" case is closed and the Mayor is proven (as he should be) innocent," states Judy Gordy.


Blogger Tom G said...

Nice. I wonder who the Muppets will support.

8/13/2008 11:23:00 PM  

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