Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Life Is Crap Hall of Fame

(Ed's Note: Plan to do much more of these, as I've discovered many things that are deserving of enshrinement. ENJOY!)

The Wave

Seriously, who was the ad wizard who came up with this awful idea? So in the middle of a game, we're going to have everyone turn their attention to their fellow crowd. Hmmmm, that sounds like an awful idea. Yet it is now an integral part of our society. I regularly get chastised when I refuse to stand for the wave. These are usually friends who are not aware of my policy against the wave. But this is a strict rule and I will not break it, no matter how drunk I get.

Here's how I imagine The Wave starting. In the middle of a blowout in some sporting contest, a bunch of fat and intoxicated fraternity brothers hatched this awful idea. "Dude, let's see if we can get the entire audience to stand up." Anyone with a functioning brain would have just ignored said suggestion. But these are frat guys. So they probably obnoxiously pestered the crowd until enough drunken yahoos joined in. The frat brothers, being so proud of themselves, got all their fraternity brothers to pass along the idea. This then spread from chapter to chapter, house to house, until we are left with the hell we are in right now.

Now, I don't hate the player I hate the game. So while I am embarrassed when friend of mine choose to partake in the idiocy that is The Wave, I act as if I'm there by myself. But I don't hate ya - I just hate The Wave.

Why you might ask? It's just a harmless diversion. Well, I like sports. Call me old fashioned, but when I attend a sporting event I want to watch the game. I do not need to be pummeled with lights and sounds and dancing grannies and mascots dunking and T-shirts firing at 95 MPH. I can appreciate the majesty of the game. In some ways, The Wave is no different than the dancing granny*. It's something for stupid people and non-sports fans to engage in because they are not being adequately entertained by the game.

And that leads me to my last point. If The Wave only appeared during blowouts I would not have nearly the hatred I currently have. But it has become a tradition. No matter how close the ball or the situation, it's a guarantee to happen towards the end of the 3rd quarter during Michigan home football games. While I'm trying to watch the game and cheer on my team, the stadium has decided to ignore the game so they stand together in unison. It's like some mutation of Hands Across America, which I have underestimated its appeal apparently. Sadly, this is not the exception. At usually the worst time possible some douchebag will start The Wave so he can go back home and brag to friends and co-workers. It's his 15 minutes of fame, I guess.

So for sucking so much and helping make something as awesome as sports a little bit suckier, I enshrine you, The Wave into The Life Is Crap Hall of Fame.

Past Inductees:

Jerry O'Connell
Jeremy and Jason London

* Yes, the gimmick dancing granny exists. It involves this tiny 80 year old women coming out and dancing to hip hop songs at Chicago Bulls games. It is even worse than that sounds. In my hell, dancing granny will be dancing in the corner.


Tom G Life Is Crap Hall of Crap The Wave sports stadiums dancing granny


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