Thursday, February 07, 2008

Messy Drunk

Since conventional wisdom has Bush as President because he's the guy we'd most like to have a beer with, it' important to remember the full night of hanging out with that dude. Because it's been one long drunken frat party with the most obnoxious guy. And it's been going to schedule.

Things start off well. You're having a good time, throwing back a few drinks. It's quite entertaining. As the night progresses, you begin to notice he's drinking much faster than you. And he's constantly ordering shots, usually with different people. But you just make a note of it and don't worry too much about it.

As the night goes on, he just gets drunker and drunker. By this point he is really starting to get on people's nerves. He's getting up in your face, saying the most inappropriate things, and in general showing his true self to be an asshole. Yet he's still fairly harmless. Just a guy who had a little too much to drink.

At the next stage, things get out of control. Drunken frat boy starts getting belligerent. He tries to pick a fight with anyone he can, with most people just laughing his face. Eventually, he antagonizes someone enough that they rough him up a little. He lays on the ground, wounded, barely able to get on his feet.

It is at this point that one of 2 things happens. Either he gets up, takes a drink, and starts the whole process again. Or he retreats for the night, with the need for your assistance. Regardless, he will eventually reach the state where he needs your help to get home and into bed. This is not pretty...and sadly, not the end.

When you wake up the next morning, with a decent hangover, your place is now in shambles. Food will be scattered throughout, as will some of Drunken Frat Boy's clothes. If you're lucky, he will have somehow make it out of his room to pass out in the living room, naked. There will be a pool of urine in one of the corners, though it may not yet be noticeable until the sun hits it. As you walk to the toilet, you notice a disaster waiting for you. Vomit is everywhere - did any of his throw-up actually go into the toilet.

As you try to figure out what to do, you see Drunken Frat Boy wake up. With no shame at all, he stands up, naked, and stretches his hands over his head. He turns to you, wanting to talk about the fun last night and says, "That was fun. I can't wait to do it again tomorrow."

That friend America, is Hillary or Obama - I would hate to have to clean up after Bush. But that's what you get for voting for Drunken Frat Boy. And someone has to clean up his mess. Let's just not elect another Drunken Frat Boy in my lifetime.


*politics*media *democracy *drunk*liberal*conservative*Democrat *Republican*Bush *Drunken Frat Boy *Mukaskey *beer *Obama*Hillary *clean


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