God Damn Terrorists Stole My Eggs

Golly Jesus. I know I had some eggs in the icebox. I was all set to make my family breakfast. You know, some sausage, bacon, scrambled eggs with waffles and pancakes. But then I go to make the eggs and there were no eggs in the container. Why I'll be a monkey's uncle if this don't be some crazy shit. How the hell can you have a breakfast without eggs? And who would want to prevent my family from celebrating breakfast, the most American of all meals? I'm not going to drive all the way up to the Piggly Wiggly just for some f$ckin' eggs. Some one needs to pay.

After some investigatin', the only reasonable explanation is terrorists. That's right, those sonofabitch terrorists are to blame. For they hate our way of life and will do whatever they can to stop us from expressing ourselves. And what better way to make a statement than to f$ck with the Tremonti household and our breakfast. God damn terrorists stole my eggs!

- Larry Tremonti

Tags:

*funny*silly *Larry Tremonti *terrorists*Piggly Wiggly