Larry Craig Interview
Even though nobody comes to this blog, we have somehow secured an interview with the esteemed Senator from Idaho, Larry Craig. Currently Craig is taking a wide stance against allegations that he propositioned for gay sex in a Minneapolis Airport restroom.
Senator Craig: Changing the way we perceive airport bathrooms.
Mike K: "Senator, why are you here?"
L Craig: "I'm taking my case to the internets. I want it to be known that to my knowledge I did not tap my foot with the guy in the stall next to mine."
Mike K: "So you might have tapped?"
L Craig: "Yes. It's possible. I'm wide. I take a wide stance. I didn't feel it. To my knowledge I didn't tap. If I did tap, to my knowledge I didn't feel it."
Mike K: "Wouldn't you have to take a very wide stance to tap the guy's foot next to you?"
L Craig: "I'm wide. Very wide. To my knowledge it's possible for me to take that wide of a stance."
Mike K: "What about the left handed palms up motion? Supposedly this gestures 'bring it on' in the gay community.
L Craig: "Simply not true. To my knowledge I was picking up toilet paper that was attached to my shoe."
Mike K: "Palms up?"
L Craig: "Is there only one right way to pick up toilet paper?"
Mike K: "With your left hand? That seems suspicious because this gesture was performed on the right side of your body."
L Craig: "Yeah. To my knowledge I do that sometimes. Hasn't everyone?"
Mike K: "No. What was your reaction when you were arrested?"
L Craig: "I was upset. That never happened before. I often get toilet paper attached to my shoe in the toilet stall. To my knowledge I didn't know you could be arrested for it."
Mike K: "I see. And the political fallout?"
L Craig: "Gladiator politics. Men fighting each other shirtless with sweat dripping all over their semi-naked hairy well tanned chests. Fighting to the death. It's naughty. So naughty. Sometimes it feels right, but it is naughty."
Mike K: "Not gay, huh?"
L Craig: "Inconceivable. In Idaho we don't have gays like in your states. If there is a gay man I wish that you would bring him to my office for consoling. I'm not gay because I live in Idaho. To my knowledge there are no gays in Idaho."
Mike K: "OK. So what happened with Mitt Romney. You were a part of his campaign."
L Craig: "He threw me under the bus. Under the bus!"
Mike K: "How will this affect your barbershop quartet group, 'The Singing Senators?'"
L Craig: "Oddly we just received an invitation to perform for the Log Cabin Republicans at their pre-election assembly. I like that organization. Full of very delightful, successful, and attractive young men."
Mike K: "I thought that was a... Oh never mind. Are you attracted to men?"
L Craig: "Yes, but not physically. Let me clarify. I am attracted to the ideas of some men. Men who are conservative of course. The ideas are attractive. Not the men."
Mike K: "Lets go back to the Congressional Page Scandal in the early 1980s."
L Craig: "Yes."
Mike K: "You called a press conference and make a statement that you did not have sex with any pages."
L Craig: "Yes."
Mike K: "Why?"
L Craig: "To my knowledge I didn't. I want people in Idaho to know I didn't. A reporter asked me if I did after the press conference. I didn't. I took a stance."
Mike K: "You got married soon afterwards to a woman with 3 kids."
L Craig: "Yes."
Mike K: "Some people might think that was suspicious. Were you covering something up?"
L Craig: "No. I love that woman. She's the Milli to my Vanilli. The Andrew Ridgeley to my George Michael. The Brian to my Stewie."
Mike K: "Why didn't you tell your wife about the arrest right after it happened? Why did you wait until the press got wind of the story?"
L Craig: "I wrestled with it. I did. Slow and hard. Long and deep. I wrestled."
Mike K: "OK. I think we all heard enough. Good luck to you Senator. Thank you for talking us. I guess."
To his knowledge Larry Craig states that the above interview was 100% fabricated.
Tags:
* comedy * humor * funny * silly * politics * president * george bush * republican * democrat
* conservative * liberal * congress * entertainment * pop culture * Larry Craig * Senator
* Congress * affair * gay * Milli Vanilli * Wham * George Michael * Family Guy * Values Voter
* Idaho * closet * homophobia * homsexual * wide stance * Singing Senators * Minneapolis Airport
* bathroom sex * sick * Gladiator politics * gay * Mitt Romney * Log Cabin Republicans
* Congressional Page Scandal * press conference * interview * Life is Crap
Senator Craig: Changing the way we perceive airport bathrooms.Mike K: "Senator, why are you here?"
L Craig: "I'm taking my case to the internets. I want it to be known that to my knowledge I did not tap my foot with the guy in the stall next to mine."
Mike K: "So you might have tapped?"
L Craig: "Yes. It's possible. I'm wide. I take a wide stance. I didn't feel it. To my knowledge I didn't tap. If I did tap, to my knowledge I didn't feel it."
Mike K: "Wouldn't you have to take a very wide stance to tap the guy's foot next to you?"
L Craig: "I'm wide. Very wide. To my knowledge it's possible for me to take that wide of a stance."
Mike K: "What about the left handed palms up motion? Supposedly this gestures 'bring it on' in the gay community.
L Craig: "Simply not true. To my knowledge I was picking up toilet paper that was attached to my shoe."
Mike K: "Palms up?"
L Craig: "Is there only one right way to pick up toilet paper?"
Mike K: "With your left hand? That seems suspicious because this gesture was performed on the right side of your body."
L Craig: "Yeah. To my knowledge I do that sometimes. Hasn't everyone?"
Mike K: "No. What was your reaction when you were arrested?"
L Craig: "I was upset. That never happened before. I often get toilet paper attached to my shoe in the toilet stall. To my knowledge I didn't know you could be arrested for it."
Mike K: "I see. And the political fallout?"
L Craig: "Gladiator politics. Men fighting each other shirtless with sweat dripping all over their semi-naked hairy well tanned chests. Fighting to the death. It's naughty. So naughty. Sometimes it feels right, but it is naughty."
Mike K: "Not gay, huh?"
L Craig: "Inconceivable. In Idaho we don't have gays like in your states. If there is a gay man I wish that you would bring him to my office for consoling. I'm not gay because I live in Idaho. To my knowledge there are no gays in Idaho."
Mike K: "OK. So what happened with Mitt Romney. You were a part of his campaign."
L Craig: "He threw me under the bus. Under the bus!"
Mike K: "How will this affect your barbershop quartet group, 'The Singing Senators?'"
L Craig: "Oddly we just received an invitation to perform for the Log Cabin Republicans at their pre-election assembly. I like that organization. Full of very delightful, successful, and attractive young men."
Mike K: "I thought that was a... Oh never mind. Are you attracted to men?"
L Craig: "Yes, but not physically. Let me clarify. I am attracted to the ideas of some men. Men who are conservative of course. The ideas are attractive. Not the men."
Mike K: "Lets go back to the Congressional Page Scandal in the early 1980s."
L Craig: "Yes."
Mike K: "You called a press conference and make a statement that you did not have sex with any pages."
L Craig: "Yes."
Mike K: "Why?"
L Craig: "To my knowledge I didn't. I want people in Idaho to know I didn't. A reporter asked me if I did after the press conference. I didn't. I took a stance."
Mike K: "You got married soon afterwards to a woman with 3 kids."
L Craig: "Yes."
Mike K: "Some people might think that was suspicious. Were you covering something up?"
L Craig: "No. I love that woman. She's the Milli to my Vanilli. The Andrew Ridgeley to my George Michael. The Brian to my Stewie."
Mike K: "Why didn't you tell your wife about the arrest right after it happened? Why did you wait until the press got wind of the story?"
L Craig: "I wrestled with it. I did. Slow and hard. Long and deep. I wrestled."
Mike K: "OK. I think we all heard enough. Good luck to you Senator. Thank you for talking us. I guess."
To his knowledge Larry Craig states that the above interview was 100% fabricated.
Tags:
* comedy * humor * funny * silly * politics * president * george bush * republican * democrat
* conservative * liberal * congress * entertainment * pop culture * Larry Craig * Senator
* Congress * affair * gay * Milli Vanilli * Wham * George Michael * Family Guy * Values Voter
* Idaho * closet * homophobia * homsexual * wide stance * Singing Senators * Minneapolis Airport
* bathroom sex * sick * Gladiator politics * gay * Mitt Romney * Log Cabin Republicans
* Congressional Page Scandal * press conference * interview * Life is Crap
posted by Mike K at 10/17/2007
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