Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Coreys Break Up

Well, that sucks the great purple dinosaur. WTF? Really? If these two can't be friends then I don't think we will be seeing a free Tibet anytime soon.

Two Coreys: No longer hanging out.

I realize that I'm taking this hard, but I have no apologies. These are the greatest actors of my generation. Corey Haim and Corey Feldman have made some good movies together like that one with the vampires in it. I think it was called Lost Boys.

If it couldn't get any worse... Guess What? Hollywood is making the sequel to that flick. Feldman is in it. Haim isn't. Where is the justice?

Now I saw their television show: "The Two Coreys" and I can't get it out of my head. Feldman's wife is pretty damn hot. Not exactly endowed in the cerebral region, but not a dolt either. In contrast to the legally brain dead Haim, she's a certified Einstein with a pretty smoking body to boot.
Susie and the Feldman: Together for 7. Weird.

Enough said. What does she see in Michael Jackson's old fling? I know this has nothing to do with Haim, but seriously?

Getting back on subject, Haim is pretty messed up. It's obvious that his development has been arrested at a fifth grade level and he has been chipping away at that ever since. Clips of Haim on the "Two Coreys" could be used to demonstrate the dangers of heavy drug use.

I recall one episode where Haim was talking about getting a driver's license. I had a sinking feeling of deja-vu, but this was more pathetic.

Haim is after all 36 years old. He should at least have a driver's license. He can't get off on that "I'm just a Canadian" excuse forever. Last time I checked you need that piece of paper over there too. What would Mercedes (Heather Graham) think about this? I doubt she would be interested in this Toronto trash these days. It's sad. The Coreys were such a hot property in the 80s, now they can't even get jobs at a car wash.

Well, that is perhaps a bit harsh. Feldman has his affairs in order. The dude has a nice house and a hot wife. I can't blame him for not working that much. He probably doesn't need any more money.

Haim still lives with his mom. That's not surprising when you consider the amount of drugs he ingested. Hell, he's lucky to be alive. Perhaps Haim's biggest misfortune is that his dad doesn't have a business that he can loot. Poor bastard.

As always we plan on following this Corey related news with great intensity. These boys have entertained us in our youth and we'll be damned if we let them grow old in obscurity. They owe us something damnit. Haim, I'll mail you script for "Lucas II: The Reckoning". We can make it your mom's garage and an abandoned warehouse in Newark. Peace out.

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