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Monday, January 29, 2007

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Is Mercury Tainted Fish Bad?

Hello everyone,
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew of Muppet Labs Inc. reporting for Life is Crap. Please, hold the applause! You will frighten Beaker.

DBH: "Beaker?"

Bkr: "Mememem."

DBH: "Do you want to come out from behind the cupboard?"

Bkr: "Memememe."

DBH: "Jesus. Do I have to call 90210's Luke Perry?"

Bkr: "Mememem."

DBH: "Ok. That's a good boy. Nice Beaker. Nice. Today's experiment ladies and gentleman is historic. I will be using science to prove that mercury tainted fish are fit for consumption. Beaker?"

Bkr: "Memememee. Sigh."

DBH: "Say what? You think I am stupid enough to subject myself to eating that bag of rotten fish? Think again, Beaker."

Bkr: "Mememe uh uh.. (gasp) (gasp)"

DBH: "Is this really necessary Beaker? Will you just eat the damn fish already? I want to watch Friends. That episode where Rachel might get back together with Ross, but it doesn't happen because they were on a break is on again."

Bkr: "Mememe."

DBH: "Yeah. I know that was going on that entire season. But it is still funny because the laugh track says so."

Bkr: "MmmmmHmmmmm."

DBH: "Indeed. I always wanted to spank that monkey myself. I wonder whatever happened to Marcel."

Bkr: "Memmem Mememme Mememe memem hmmm..."

DBH: "That's disgusting Beaker. That is not even legal in California!"

Bkr: "Meep mamee Meep me. (Sigh)."

DBH: "Well, I'll have to check that out. I never considered how that could sexually be useful."

Bkr: "Memem (gulp) (gulp) Ahhhha mememm meme"

DBH: "Jesus. You are just going to town on those fish. Go Beaker! Go!"

Bkr: "(Burp) Memem... (Burp) Memmemem."

DBH: "Well I was going to cook the fish first, but what the hell. Keep eating it raw big boy!"

Bkr: "Mememem memem (gulp)."

DBH: "Oh my.... Very interesting. Very Interesting indeed. Beaker you have to see this. Let me get a mirror. My oh my.... Yes. Beaker you are turning purple. I think... wait. Let me get my crayolas so I can find the technical color match."

Bkr: "YeeeeMmmmmmmmm.. YaaaH! Meep! Meep!"

DBH: "Calm down. You are hopping mad! Literally! Stop it! Stop it!"

Bkr: "Mememem! Yaaaah! Moop! Meep meep!"

DBH: "This is horrendous. You dirty, dirty little assistant! Stop humping my waste paper basket this instant!"

Bkr: "Yip! Yoop! Meergh! Meememmemem!"

DBH: "Ladies and gentleman, I have made a terrible mistake. Oh so terrible. Hold on a second. I will have to use science to subdue Beaker."

Bkr: "Meep. Whoop! Whoop!"

DBH: "Hold still, damnit! I knew I should have gotten a lighter baseball bat."

Bkr: "Whoop! Whoop! Meeep! Meeeeeahahah!"

DBH: "Beaker, what's 3 divided by -18 raised to the 3/4 power?"

Bkr: "Mawha?"

(Bam!) (Bang!) (Crash!)

DBH: "Thank goodness. He's not moving anymore. And I think.... Yes. Oh good, he's still breathing. Hurray! I won't have to go out looking for a new assistant."

Bkr: "Mememe..."

DBH: "You can still talk too? Sigh. I thought for once I would have some peace and quiet around here. Whatever."

Bkr: "Meep Meep."

DBH: "Yes of course. The experiment was a brilliant success! Mercury tainted fish is completely safe. Eat as much as you want."

Bkr: "mememe?"

DBH: "Yes... of course but why don't you eat it tomorrow. It's tiring chasing you around with a baseball bat."

Bkr: "mememem?"

DBH: "Shut up Beaker. That's it for today! Take care everyone. Remember fish is good no matter how rotten, uncooked, and/or mercury tainted."

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