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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Exclusive Interview: Snagglepuss

Long time Hanna Barbera star Snagglepuss has been going strong since his debut in 1959. The pink hued thespian has starred in hundreds of cartoons and specials. Earlier this year he was outted by New York Times reporter Judith Miller at Yogi Bear's birthday bash, which caused an eruption of cartoon related violence. Snagglepus has decided to talk about being gay, the outrage, and his future plans.

Snagglepuss: Out out of the closet.

Mike: When did you know you were gay?

Snag: Heavens to Murgatroids! You sure got to the chase. I should exit stage left.

Mike: Please don't. It's an honest question.

Snag: Alright then. I'm just a gay gay pink mountain lion. Look at this wardrobe. It's fabulous. No pants or shirt yet I have cuffs and a collar. Doesn't that just scream Chippendales?

Mike: Ughhh... I guess so.

Snag: See the problem for me was that I wanted to confuse the kids yet still maintain a Saturday morning presence. Call it what it is... a covert liberal plot to turn the kids gay. It obviously worked. Mark Foley is proof.

Mike: You think you control sexuality through your wardrobe?

Snag; Heavens to Murgatroids! Of course. Silly goose!

Mike: Ummmm yeah. So everybody knew you were gay?

Snag: Not the conservatives. They just thought I was well dressed.

Mike: Ok. Then why was there such outrage when Judith Miller outted you?

Snag: Quick Draw McGraw and Scrappy Doo caused the ruckus. They started calling me names like "pinkie" and "queer." Augie Doggie tried to defend me, but they started attacking him. Soon it escalated into a full blown fist-fight. It was character against character and everybody got involved.

Mike: Wow. That's surprising! I often thought that Quick Draw McGraw and Scrappy Doo might be gay themselves.

Quick Draw McGraw: Is the get-up a plea for help or a compensation?

Snag: You think? Geez... You're a bright one. What gave it away? The cowboy get-up? Come on...

Mike: So why don't they come out themselves?

Snag: I think they are afraid of what it could do their career. Already we have a shortage of acting jobs. Hanna Barbera was never keen on quality control. Two frames a second is not cutting edge animation!

Mike: Indeed. So in other words, Scrappy Doo has to literally fight just to get screen time?

Snag; Yeah. Isn't he a peach? I just want *!&**!&@*!& his brains and then *&*&@# his *(&8!%^@;*(&# and then **&*#$#*& all night and then ****#&$*#&(!.

Scrappy fights for his man hood and screen time.

Mike: Whoa there! Too much information! Good god! Yuck! So those two will never come out of the closet, huh?

Snag: Not likely. That's ok. They are fabulous the way they are.

Mike: So how did Yogi takes this news?

Snag: Yogi has always stuck by me. I was the one who taught him how to dress.

Mike: Oh right... The no shirt and pants, but collar and cuffs look.

Snag: Yeah that's hot. He won't wear the cuffs though. He thinks it's too much. Sigh.

Yogi Bear: Won't wear the cuffs.

Mike: Ummm... Ok. So Yogi is straight?

Snag: Sigh... Yeah. I keep trying though. We could always use some fresh faces. Catch my drift?

Mike: Oh god. No. Can't say I do. How did you hide your gayness for so long?

Snag: I never hid it darling. I just scaled it back.

Mike: Don't call me... awwww forget it. So was it Wally Gator who tipped off Judith Miller?

Snag: Yeah. I think so. There's nothing like a jealous ex-lover's scorn.

Mike: Why did he do it?

Wally Gator: Ex-lover's scorn.

Snag: He was jealous. I was doing Boo Boo and and trying to corrupt Doggie Daddy's son Augie Doggie at the same time. Trying to get a threesome going.

Mike: That's wrong for so many reasons.

Snag: It is? I tempted him in a socially acceptable way. Candy. Lots and lots of candy.

Augie Doggie: Hunted by the candy man.

Mike: Ummm... Yeah. You are a sick sick man.

Snag: I try.

Mike: So they offered you a guest spot on Queer Eye For the Straight Guy.

Snag: Yes. Heavens to Murgatroids, it's wonderful.

Mike: What does that even mean? What the hell is a murgatroid?

Snag: Say what?

Mike: A murgatroid.

Snag: Exit stage left?

Mike: Oh whatever.... So what skill are you going to bring to Queer Eye?

Snag: Fabulousness.

Mike: Don't they already have that?

Snag: Not to the extreme.

Mike: Ok then... So you have nothing new to offer.

Snag: I suppose you can say that.

Mike: I have to be honest. I don't think you will be on for long.

Snag: Exit stage left?

Mike: Yes. Probably after your first episode.

Snag: Oh why me? Why do I end up worse off than when I started?

Mike: Yeah. It appears you based a career on that phenomenon.

Snag: Boohoo even. Why me?

Mike: Oh for the love of God.... Get a hold of yourself!

Snag: I failed. I'm a failure. A real pinkie.

Mike: Look dude. It's going to be alright.

Snag: Will you go out with me?

Mike: No.

Snag: Ok. I got to exit stage left.

Mike: Thanks Snagglepuss. Thank you for talking with us.

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