People Are Ugly

It's Not Easy Being One of the Beautiful People

This may be obvious to most people but I have had my eyes opened this summer. See, it turns out that most people are pretty damn ugly. If anything I suffer from a lack of self-confidence. I understand I'm not in the greatest shape (I'm working on it) and I know I'm not winning any beauty contests anytime soon. However, I would say I'm definitely in the top 25% of the US as far as attractiveness goes. This actually says much more about the remaining 75% than it says about me. But here's my question - has the US always been this ugly or are we getting uglier? And if we're getting uglier, shouldn't we set up a task force to fight the uglies?

I live in the city of Chicago with a lot of attractive and young people. This means I often am left unaware as to the ugliness of the typical American. Yet after visiting The Taste of Chicago and seeing the country while on vacation, I realize just how unattractive most Americans are. It's really a shame and I wish there was something I could do. Which is why I'm vowing to get in shape over the next couple months so I can help be part of the solution instead of the problem. In the meantime, here are some tips to help beautify our great country.

• If you are overweight, you should not wear sleeveless shirts or even tight shirts. This is a pretty common occurrence in the workplace, which is shocking and nauseating to me. There is almost nothing worst than this except maybe...
• If you are extremely overweight with a huge ass, please do not wear extremely tight stretch pants or dress pants. It's very disturbing to see rolls of fat through a layer of clothing, no matter how thin that fabric is. And working out can not be used as an excuse. When I'm running in 90 degrees heat, I may pass out when running behind your spandex ass.
• Look in the mirror before leaving the house. I can't stress this point enough. Apparently many of people get dressed in the dark without checking out what they are wearing. Or at least I hope that's the reason.
• Shower daily and wear deodorant. Even if you think you don't need it, just do it in case. People do lots of things to prepare for events that might happen, such as buying insurance or carrying a condom in their wallet. Hygiene should be another thing you just do.
• Pray - you never know what miracles God can do for you.

There's plenty more you can do but I'll leave it at this. Until later, smell ya later!!!

Tags: * comedy * humor * funny * silly * entertainment * pop culture * Americans * beauty * ugly * Taste of Chicago * Chicago * deodorant * shower * hygiene * overweight * attractiveness