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Friday, July 21, 2006

America in Love with Retarded Rock Star

Warning: The Idol above has Brain Damage
Taylor Hicks, thank you for crawling out of a cave to entertain us and giving so much hope to the mentally challenged every where (The staff of Life is Crap would like to apologize to the mentally challenged for this article.). Prior to your rise in frame, the greatest thrill they had was watching Corky and his girlfriend get it on via the "Life Goes On" reruns. Now the television sets are broadcasting your Ford commercial 24-7 furthering the downward trend of American car sales. I believe a round of congratulations are in order. Thanks a lot for screwing over the fine folks who work at Ford, you freaking asshole.

Corky slides to number 2, the freaks in the back give props.
I have to admit that I am inspired by the Alabama hit machine who poops his pants at every performance, not once, not twice, but somewhere around 3-7 times. You go Holmes! You go and go and go. I can't wait to see the Taylor Hicks adult diaper commercial. That would be priceless. Maybe he will even have his own line. Can you imagine it? Taylor Hick Depends. Maybe the advertisers can get a picture of him in mid-poop. The advertisement could say, "Taylor Hicks Adult Diapers: If it is good enough for a retarded hick from Alabama then it is good enough for you."

You are one clever bastard Taylor Hicks. One clever bastard indeed. Rigging those phone machines the way you did, week after week after week. I know what you were thinking, " No one ever suspects the retarded hick from Alabama." Well, I am on to you bub. I'm on to you big time. I will expose you, steal your TV, and make you a crack addict. Then I will buy you a milk shake and dump your body out on the New Jersey turnpike.

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1 Comments:

Blogger melanaise said...

I know you are trying to scare me...and it's working. I already told you how I feel about his george clooney acid face...it makes me forget that sex exists.

Then I have to read your other posts and go, oh yeah, I have a vagina, there are men, and sex.

That is how frightening that freak is to me. And since you are posting pics of retards, I might as well gripe you out for not hopping on the short bus last week.

I expect the good doctor to shout out. He deserves some TGIF recognition for all his hard work in the field of research, you know.

I am also not afraid to give the award to ghosts...

okay, now that my stomach is not turning from that picture, I will move on...

You guys are nuts. I love it.

7/23/2006 07:58:00 AM  

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