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Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Dr. Bunsen Honedew: Global Warming and Pseudo Facts

Hello everyone,
I'm Dr. Bunsen Honeydew of Muppet Labs Inc. guest reporting for Life is Crap. Today we will be testing my random pseudo-facts generator, which I created to disprove Global Warming. Beaker, can you get retrieve the machine?

Bkr: Mememe?

DBH: Yes, right now. You can watch the rest of the Everwood Series Finale later.

Bkr: Sigh. Memmeme (pant) (pant) Memme

DBH: As you can see, I had to make the machine very big to accomodate more randomness. Anything can happen once we plug this baby in. Who knows, it might even work!

Bkr: Mememe!

DBH: Ok good. Let me put on my goggles. Beaker do you have your goggles on? Silly me, I never bought you any. Ok. Go ahead. Plug it in.

Bkr: Memmemem! Memmeme!

DBH: Of course, it's suppose to emmit smoke! Every pseudo-facts generator ever created spits out at least 8 tons of smog per minute. My model does 9! My heavens, it works! I built something that works!

Bkr: Memememe! (pant) Mememe! (sigh)

DBH: Oh right, I should put on my oxygen mask. Sorry Beaker, only scientists get oxygen masks.

Bkr: Gasp! Memm! Gasp!

DBH: Geez Louise, what a baby! Now is not the time to take a nap Beaker! Beaker? Beaker? Sigh. I guess I will have to get Beaker's replacement 90210's Luke Perry. Luke, come in here.

LP: Hi Doctor. Can we open the windows? It's a bit smokey in here.

DBH: I guess, but it will make the experiment a little less successful. Go ahead.

LP: Hmmm... someone jammed gum in the latch.

DBH: Oh my goodness! Let me have it! Mmmmm... Big League Chew, grape flavor. None for you, Luke Perry. You're lucky we let you clean the lab toliet.

LP: Yeah. I know. Ugh! There, I can finally breathe.

DBH: Hey did you give any thought to doing that biography of Jim Varney? Beaker and I just love those Earnest movies. Beaker can quote every line in Earnest Goes to Camp and Earnest Scared Stupid.

LP: Wow. That is amazing. Yeah. I'll have to talk to my agent tomorrow.

DBH: Ok. Let's see here. Damnit! I forgot to put buttons and a screen on this thing. How do I know if it is working?

LP: I thought you said it if was smoking then it was working.

DBH: Yeah. That's right. You are so much better than Beaker.

LH: Aww... shucks! You think so?

Bkr: Mem! (pant)

DBH: Oh look who woke up! If it isn't the most unreliable lab assistant ever. Way to wake up after we completed the experiment Beaker!

Bkr: Meme?

LP: Yeah. I have to admit that I'm suprised too. But he did it! The random pseudo-facts generator works.

Bkr: Memem?

DBH: Yes, Beaker that is correct. Global Warming is a myth! Al Gore is a liar! The Bushies are going to be so happy with this news. Maybe this time, Karl Rove will send over the unexpired McDonalds coupons.

Bkr: Mmemem! Mememem!

DBH: Well, that is all for today. Remember everyone, Science proves what you want to believe if it doesn't then you have a duty to change the results. That's how intelligent design was formulated!

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2 Comments:

Blogger melanaise said...

HOLY sh*t !!!! The muppets are BACK!!!

I think I just licked the computer...

James and the Muppets are my favorites!!!

YAY MIKE!!

6/14/2006 10:46:00 PM  
Blogger Tom G said...

I'm glad Bunsen is back. Great Job!

6/15/2006 11:56:00 AM  

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