Bush Can't Believe Sarah Piper Is Poor

As President Bush was looking through the bank records of US citizens to track down terrorists, he became suddenly startled while reviewing Sarah Piper's statement. "Turd blossom, check out this typo," President Bush said to Karl Rove. "It says here that this person by the name of Sarah has only $168.52 in their bank account. Think about that - only having enough money to eat at Arby's. I mean what country does she live in, The Great Depression?"

Upon learning that the statement was not a typo and that Sarah Piper really only has $168 in her bank account, President Bush became silent and looked puzzled. "I get it. She's invested all her money. That Sarah Piper is one smart American. Maybe we should get her to do a press conference about the dangers of the capital gains tax on average, hard-working Americans."

After hours of explanation, President Bush was surprised to learn how the American economic system works. "So there are people without their own private jets or their own ranch. But I thought this was America. Ya know, like everyone got rich off the gold rush in the 1920s. Tell me she just is lazy and blew all her money on drugs. Tell me Turd Blossom. Tell me."

When the president finally came to, he felt relieved that his nightmare was over. No one had the heart to inform him that it was not a dream but was in fact reality. So he picked up the next statement and said, "This guy's name is Chance. That's a funny name, don't ya think there Turd Blossom. I betcha he's a real funny guy, like a class clown or something. Maybe we should get him to come in and entertain me. What'd ya think? He could be dressed up in one of those silly Medieval Times getups. Ya know, with the pointy feet and the silly hat with the bells and all. Chance, that's funny."

Tags: * comedy * humor * funny * silly * politics * president * george bush * republican * democrat * conservative * liberal * congress * entertainment * pop culture * Sarah Piper * spying * pretzels * Karl Rove * Turd Blossom * US * Arby's * bank statements