Mighty Ducks Must Be Stopped

Calgary, Alberta- The Anaheim Mighty Ducks eliminated the Calgary Flames in a 3-0 slam fest last night in their pursuit of Lord Stanley causing wide spread groans throughout the NHL.

"I'm stunned, absolutely stunned," Jarome Iginla. "It was as if the ghost of Walt Disney came down here and invigorated them. I never seen anything like it before."

The Ducks, who were once reffered to as the Bad News Bears on ice are much better after turning professional and dumping long time coach Emilio Estevez.

"Emilio was cramping our style. He was always telling us to use the flying V formation," said Ducks player Teemu Selanne.

"What does that Breakfast Club brat alias Gordon Bombay know about hockey? Absolutely nothing," stated Duck team mate Jeff Friesen.

"Emilio couldn't coach his way out of a paper bag," chimed in Anaheim coach Randy Carlyle. "He is evil and immoral."

The Mighty Ducks are one the most despised teams in the NHL. Even their own fans refuse to cheer them. After coming within a game of winning the Stanley Cup in 2003, the Mighty Ducks had one of the lowest attendance figures in the 2003-2004 season.

"Gary Bettman is a dick," said Robert Lang of the Detroit Red Wings. "Why would he allow that Mickey Mouse organization into the NHL?"

"They must be stopped before it is too late," screamed Flames coach Darryl Sutter. "If they win the cup, it will be the death of the NHL."

"I guess it is up to us to prevail against these hockey infidels," stated Avalanche's Brad Richardson. "Hopefully God is on our side."

"We are running out of opportunities to stop them. It is too risky to depend on the East," stated Edmonton's Chris Pronger.

"It makes me want to vomit to think that name could be engraved on the holy grail of hockey trophies. It's bad enough that they won the Western Conference in 2003," said San Jose's Joe Thornton.

Tags:
* Mighty Ducks * Edmonton * Red Wings * NHL * San Jose Sharks * Oilers * Gary Bettman
* Jarome Iginla * Calgary * Flames * Canada * hockey * Bad News Bears * Disney * Detroit
* comedy * humor * funny * silly * entertainment * pop culture * playoff * sports * Chris Pronger
* Brad Richardson * Darryl Sutter * Mickey Mouse * Randy Carlyle * Teemu Selanne * Jeff Friesen
* Western Conference * Stanley Cup * athletes * CBC