There are mortals and then there is Keith Richards. Analysts claim the war on drugs was won in the early 70s after Keith Richards kicked his rich diet of heroin, whiskey, and cocaine. Now it appears that a similar war on trees has begun."F*cking tree, Mick I said. Let me climb this f*cker. I'm the king," muttered Keith Richards from a hospital bed.
The lead guitarist for the Rolling Stones reportedly fell from a tree after doing god only knows what. One newspaper reported that Keith fell off a jet ski. Another paper stated he fell from a jet ski perched on top of a palm tree. One fact is certain: Richards was in the hospital, because his brain was swelling like a hot air balloon.
"I was freaking climbing this tree, my god. Mick, I fell," said Richards with a cigarette in his mouth. "Charlie, trees are no good. I'm nothing."
Doctors were initially concerned that Richards underwent severe brain damage due to this recent escapade. Several tests confirmed that Richards was 60% brain dead, but the time and cause could not be confirmed.
"We thought something was wrong with Keith. He was rambling on and on and not making a whole lot of sense. We were all really worried," stated Brain Surgeon Louis McDonald.
The brain damage cause was evaluated again after a visit from Keith's pals.
"It was a big tree, that it was. Yeah. Dig it. I saw it. Big thing. Huge," elaborated Mick Jagger using smirking gestures and pseudo gay rock star stances.
"Yeah. Tree," sighed Charlie Watts longtime Rolling Stone drummer.
Doctors quickly scanned Mick and Charlie and found that they too suffered from brain damage although not to the extent of Keith.
"Obviously, the years of drug abuse and heavy drinking has caused substantial damage to the legendary rock stars. Actually we are surprised that they are even alive," stated Dr. McDonald. "We determined that Charlie was 7.3% brain dead and Mick was 40%. Clearly, the damage done to Keith's brain was prior to his tree/jet ski incident."
Tags:
* comedy * humor * funny * silly * entertainment * pop culture * Keith Richards * Mick Jagger
* Rolling Stones * A Bigger Bang * Drug * drug abuse * palm tree * jet ski * Charlie Watts
* musician * rock stars * rock and roll * Brain Surgeon * whiskey * heroin * cocaine * coke
* guitarist * tree * brain damage * war on drugs * brain surgery
I love the Rolling Stones, but this post is so perfect....you are amazing at speaking as/for people.
ReplyDeleteMe too. But they are fun to tease.
ReplyDeleteRolling Stones: Sticky Fingers