Amish Paradise

Bobby Combs has found out the hard way that Amish country is no Paradise reports the local Century Times. Lured into a false belief by legendary Weird Al Yankovic's cult classic music video, Combs quit his fast paced job in a Manhattan Advertising firm and drove 200 miles to the heart of Amish Country.

"That catchy song brought me to this place, and now I had enough," said Billy Combs in a recent interview. "These people are crazy! I have to leave pronto!"

Overall Billy Combs had relatively few complaints. His experience appeared to be helping him cope with the difficulties of living in the modern world.

"First off, people don't use deodorant," grumbled Combs. "The overall aroma of sweat and animal feces is nauseating. Second, none of the women shave their legs or wax their upper lips. You know how disgusting it is to see a hairy ankle on a woman? I can only imagine what their arm pits look like."

Although the work has been hard, it appears that Mr. Combs is slowly adjusting.

"Dude, I thought at first I would get to churn some butter. That is what Al is doing that whole video. No, I'm the unlucky son of a bitch who has to build a barn without power tools. Not only that, I have to wake up at the butt crack of dawn and eat some crap that I wouldn't even feed a dying cat. Then they expect me to thank God for it. Lunatics!"

Being cut off from civilization has caused Billy Combs to turn inward. He has grown tremendously spiritual from his experiences.

"I hate to sound mean, but these people are clueless. I asked them for a newspaper so I could find out the score of yesterday's Yankee game. Instead I get handed a bible. What the f*ck? As if that lecture from the Book of Matthew wasn't enough. I wish God would get me out of this place."

The Amish Community had very little to say about Mr. Combs at yesterday's press conference at the farm stand off route 12.

"Brother Combs is learning our ways, but it is painful for him," said Jeb Holmes. "He is not a very hard worker and does not even know the basics such as milking a cow or mending a fence. He also curses a lot, which angers some of the men folk. I'm not sure who or what this Weird Al Yankovic character is, but Brother Combs equates him to the devil. All this aside, we are trying to cope. Pray for us."

Tags:
* comedy * humor * funny * silly * entertainment * pop culture * Weird Al * Mtv * Music Video
* Yankovic * Manhattan * Amish * religion * deodorant * Yankee * bible * devil * spiritual
* musician * Coolio * Florence Henderson * rock and roll * hip hop * rap * cult classic * civilization
* advertising