Nerd Shortage Expected in 2038

Nerds everywhere are literally exploding in their pants thinking about the advancement of internet enabled sexual gizmos. No longer will they have to suffer the awkwardness of courtship. No longer will they have to make difficult decisions regarding their computer and gaming habits.

By attaching electronic harnesses to their genitalia, nerds can have mind numbing sex with a Jenna Jameson caricature over the internet. It is only a matter of time before the price drops for this technology and the world suffers a massive nerd shortage.

The contributions nerds have given to our society are insurmountable. A nerdless future means the death of civilization as we know it. In order to protect our society, we must encourage nerds to have human intercourse.

Only nerds are capable of creating the next generation of nerds. Traits such as acne, bad eye sight, lack of coordination, social awkwardness, knowitallism have proven to be 89.71% genetic. This makes it almost statistically impossible for non-nerd parents to produce a nerd offspring.

Internet porn has already caused a 15.71% decline in the nerd population; a downward trend, which is expected to escalate in the advent of technologically, advanced sexual apparatuses.

Experts are predicting a violent apocalyptic future caused by a dwindling pool of nerds. Jocks will go on massive blood lust fueled rampages. Star Trek and Jeopardy will be discontinued. The internet will cease to exist. Computers will become unfixable. The pharmaceutical companies will lose their acne revenue. Optometrists will lose their practices. D.C. comics will file for bankruptcy. Peter Jackson will lose 65.23% of his fan base.

Experts are 77.13% certain that we are doomed and there is little that can be done. According to computer generated models, the nerd population is expected to be completely extinct by 2057.

The USA government is cooperating with college sperm banks to create multi hundred dollar deals with chronic nerd masturbators in efforts to preserve the nerd sector. Politicians in both parties are concerned that deals are not lucrative enough to attract alpha nerd clients.

"So far the program is only attracting, wannabe nerds. To get the acne puss oozing super geniuses, we are going to have to throw in a HP Linux Fedora 5 Server with Pentium 4 dual processors, a Blackberry, and free cable internet access for 7 years," stated John McCain.

"This is an outrage! Nerd semen emission donation should be an easy, pleasant, and highly profitable venture. I support McCain's proposal, but I think we should sweeten the deal with tickets to a D&D convention in Vermont and a lifetime subscription to Wired magazine," said John Kerry.

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* comedy * humor * funny * silly * politics * president * george bush * republican * democrat
* conservative * liberal * congress * entertainment * pop culture * sex * masturbation
* technology * science * McCain * John Kerry * Dungeon and Dragon * Fedora 5 * Peter Jackson
* Jeopardy * Star Trek * pharmaceutical * Optometry * linux * acne * Simpsons * nerd * video games
* internet * Pentium * jock * apocalypse