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Wednesday, March 01, 2006

New Fox Shows

So what shows are in the works at Fox? Something great, right? Maybe they are working on an uplifting affair like Stacked; or perhaps another ultra-violent love-fest a la Twenty Four, or maybe it’s a crap studded celebrity reality show. In all cases it has to be better than the Simple Life season 3; at least one would hope. Well I hate to crash your party but unless you are heavily medicated or only have three brain cells left, then “Free Ride” and “The Loop” will not be appealing. Supposedly the shows can be best described as a cross between Bob Saget crotch-hitting America’s Funniest Home Videos humor and That 70s shows. This review provides a more in depth analysis of the latest and greatest Fox gems.

Personally, most TV shows require a couple of beers before you can watch them anyways. Now it appears that I’ll have to polish off a six-pack or more every half hour. I can't help but be disappointed. Simpsons and Family Guy are going downhill, and Fox recently canned Arrested Development. The only new show, which has kept me near-transfixed for a half hour is the Office. Although I enjoy it, it does not make me laugh so hard that milk squirts out of my nose.

There is correlation between television and mental capacity loss. Perhaps Fox’s strategy is to misdirect and stupefy their audience into submission. Clearly showing American Idol highlights during the nightly news is one such tactic. Is it really that important that we find the next Clay Aiken? Do we really need to know the semantics of the latest Simon and Paula spat? Meanwhile brave men and women are getting their appendages blown off in a war that was started on fictitious grounds. Then again it must not be happening if it is not on the TV.

I digress; the point is that we need better TV shows. My beer belly demands it. Perhaps a few hard hitting news programs like 60 minutes would help. I won’t hold my breath, though.

At some point in time we will begin rating these shows using our patented beer-o-meter scale. A high beer-o-meter score means that the show is meant for coma patients or as means of inhumane torture. There is a correlation between a beer-o-meter score and beers consumed during viewing. Example: Stacked is a 9.25 on the beer-meter. In other words I consumed 9.25 beers in a half hour and I’m crawling on the floor with drool hanging out of my mouth muttering about suing Fox. Needless to say it is going to rock.
Free Ride links:
The Loop links:
Stacked links:
Family Guy links:

2 Comments:

Blogger Tom G said...

People don't want to be challenged, especially by their entertainment. Which is why there are so many mindless action films or stupid romantic comedies. Or why the top music acts are so safe and bland and all produced by the same 3 guys. Or why TV shows are all about confusion that would be cleared up in 1 minute in real life but take 22 TV minutes to solve - who knew Three's Company would become the template for all future sitcoms?

3/01/2006 01:16:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

But the world wants another Clay Aiken. Sometimes we forget that he didn't even win the American Idol title.

3/07/2006 11:50:00 AM  

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