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Saturday, February 25, 2006

Ricky Smith



What ever happened to Ricky Smith, the creepy mama's boy from "Better Off Dead"? With his mother's plans to fix him up with the foreign exchange student Monique foiled, Ricky found someone new at the end of the movie. But that's where the movie ends and I need some closure. So here's my best guess at what's happened.

Things started off well for Ricky and his girl. They had as normal of a teenage relationship as could be possible considering one of the persons was Ricky. And on their prom night, they lost their virginity to each other. It was especially awkward and grotesque. But here's where things start to go sour. Ricky's mom wouldn't let him move out of the house, so he was forced to go to the local community college. But Ricky's girl went hundreds of miles away to school. And while they tried the long distance thing, it never really took. Especially with Ricky's girl suddenly surrounded by extremely drunk guys. If she could be swept off her feet by Ricky, let's just say she was often swept off her feet by drunk fraternity guys.

So Ricky's living with his mom, girlless, going to a school that is not challenging his slightly above average intelligence. Ricky decides to retreat into the world of computers - programming, games, etc. He becomes so engrossed with computers that he rarely leaves the house anymore. He drops out of school. The only contact he has with humans is the occassional trip to the store.

On one such trip to the store, he starts flipping through the computer magazines. It is at this moment that he meets Peter Marks, a computer nerd who is quite outgoing - similar to Val Kilmer's character in "Real Genius". So Peter takes Ricky under his wings and they start doing quite a bit of computer hacking. They don't make much money; in fact, they make just enough to fund their trips to the local strip clubs. This goes on for awhile and they are rather quite content.

Around this time Ricky's mom dies. Surprisingly, Ricky takes this event in stride. Peter moves in with Ricky and they start up a new business centered around a new thing called The Internet. Their business catches on and Ricky and Peter become billionaires. Peter moves away and leaves Ricky to fend for himself for the first time ever. With enough money to never have to work again, Ricky spends all his time at the strip club. It is here that he meets Chastity, who seems to be endowed with his mother's personality. After just one week, she forces Ricky to marry her.

So now Ricky spends all his time trapped in his house with his controlling wife Chastity. He's not allowed to have any friends and is rarely allowed to leave the house. Only Chastity is allowed to spend the money and only Chastity is allowed to see the bank statements. Every night Ricky stares out his bedroom window, looks at the moon, and wonders where his high school girlfriend is right now.

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