Sigmund Sea Monster was Gay

Sigmund outted by former lover.

Sigmund Sea Monster who ran away from his sea home in 1973 was hiding a scandalous secret which has only recently been uncovered. The snaggle tooth monster was hard core gay and fled his home because of it. Details emerged recently in Sheldon the Genie's book, "The Conquests of Sheldon: Sex in the 70s."

Johnny stands by Sigmund

"You have to remember that this was a time of great intolerance. This was before disco, before the Village People, before people thought there was something odd about Elton John," said Sigmund's best friend Johnny. "I can understand why he hid it from us. I still love you big guy."

Scott feels betrayed

"It isn't fair," said Scott. "We were hiding this flamer from his evil brothers Blurp and Slurp and that pesky housekeeper Zelda. How does Sigmund thank us? He got it on with Sheldon the Genie. If I knew he was gay I would have asked him out."

Sheldon the Genie speaks about Sea Monster Escapades

"Yes, I am proud to say that I was Sigmund's first. I proudly instructed him in the ways of Genie-Monster Love," stated Sheldon the Genie on Oprah. "We had fun. Lots of fun. I would elaborate more, but I don't want to give away chapters 7-13 in my new book. Let's just say that Sigmund knows how to please a genie over and over and over again."

Sea Monster-Genie sex has been outlawed in California since 1967 after it was discovered by a police man who was investigating a rocking parked car in San Bernardo. Allegedly the police man went insane shortly after he peered into the vehicle. Land Monster-Genie sex on the other hand is still perfectly legal in 47 of the 50 states.

"I was naughty. Really naughty. Filthy even! I was young genie who was madly in love with a freaking sea monster," said Sheldon. "He was better than sliced white bread on a Tuesday in August."

Slurp also one of Sheldon's lovers.

"Sigmund wasn't my own foray into Genie-Sea Monster sex. By far the best was his brother Slurp. He got that name for a reason, you know," stated Sheldon. "I tried to enlist his brother Blurp so that we could have a three some but he wasn't into the proposition."

Blurp was Angry and Confused by Sheldon's advances.

Tags:
* comedy * humor * funny * silly * entertainment * pop culture * Sigmund * Sea Monster * Krofft
* Sid and Marty * 70s * drugs * saturday mornings * sigmund and the sea monsters * NBC * 1973
* 1974 * 1975 * Pufnstuf * Lidsville * Rhino * genie * sex * porn * disgusting * distorted
* august * tuesday * white bread * television * retro * Village People * gay * Elton John
* culture * three some * sick