Super Grover: How I got my Cape

Super Grover: Flies the Friendly Skies

Super Heroes come and go, but only one has been popular since his introduction. Super Grover is perhaps the most underrated and beloved of them all. Sure he may not have actually saved anyone, and he is always getting hurt, but the boy has heart. More heart than Superman, Wonder Woman, the lesbian Batwoman, and Spiderman combined. It's a shame that we won't be seeing a full length movie picture any time soon, but we can still enjoy his antics on Sesame Street. Grover recently sent us a working copy of the Super Grover Memoir: "Super Grover and His Super Letters of Super Legendary Acts of Superness," which we will share with you.

Chapter 1: How I got my Super Hero Cape and My Super First Flight and Crash

Hi Boys and Girls,
This is your pal Super Grover, the greatest super hero the world has ever known. I wasn't always so super, though. Like all super heroes, I had to learn how to fly and get a nifty super hero costume. If you think that was easy, you haven't heard the real story.

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was humming rubber duckie while walking in the alley behind Mr. Hooper's store when I saw it; a brand new purple cape with red strings sitting in a dumpster. Although it had a few bird droppings courtesy of you know who, I immediately took it and put it on. It was light and silky. I felt unbelievable like Hulk Hogan and Liberace combined with a touch of Rodney Dangerfield. I didn't know at the time that the thing was magical, but it was purple, my most favoritest color. A huge grin formed on my face, but soon disappeared when I saw my arch nemesis Big Bird. Big Bird immediately asked me what I was doing. That bird is always asking questions. I'm not sure, but I think that he is retarded or something.

Getting in a conversation with Big Bird is extremely annoying. It never goes anywhere and it takes hours. Once back in 1971, he asked me about my marble collection. Three hours later, I was tearing out my blue shag fur in frustration. He kept asking me why I was collecting blue marbles and why I separated the red marbles from the green. I don't know damnit, I'm just a muppet who barely knows the alphabet and has a crush on Maria. F*cking idiot!

Anyways, I started running to get away from the bastard. Before I knew it, my feet were no longer touching the ground. I was flying. "I'm flying, I'm flying, I'm flying," I shouted at the top of my lungs. It was all very exciting even though I was only 5 feet off the ground. I had this huge smile on my face and I was laughing harder then when I dropped E at the Sesame Street Christmas party back in 1997.

I know I should have seen that wall, but it was too late. I hit the thing face first and fell like a ton of bricks. I could feel my face sliding on the pavement and I was woozy all over. Wouldn't you know it, that inquisitive bastard finds me and starts piling on the questions.

"Why did you leave? How did you fly," asked Big Bird while turning his head to the side like he was that dog Barkley. You know the one that looks like an orange and white mop and has a tongue the size of a toaster.

All I could do was yell, "Mommy." Then I passed out in a muppet induced coma. I woke up 4 hours later from a metal bed connected to all sorts of IVs at Sesame General Hospital in front a small group of concerned friends.

"I'm ok," I assured them. My head was hurting like hell and the room was still spinning. Then, I saw him again. "Get that f*cking bird out of here," I yelled at the top of my lungs.

Gordon and Louis exchanged confused glances, shrugged their nonsuper hero shoulders, and then escorted my arch nemesis out of the room. I closed my eyes, and I could still hear the bastard asking why over and over again. It was a painful reminder that super heroes are not necessarily immune to walls and annoying birds. I had to do something to protect myself, but what?

Tags:
* comedy * humor * funny * silly * entertainment * pop culture * Grover * Super Grover
* Super Hero * Superman * Batman * Batwoman * Spiderman * Wonder Woman * Green Lantern
* Sesame Street * Muppet * Jim Henson * Big Bird * Barkley * rubber duckie * Hulk Hogan * Liberace
* Rodney Dangerfield * alphabet * drugs * Christmas party * cape * hospital * accident * children