Dear Sports Douchebag

Dear Sports Douchebag,

I know I sent you a similar letter about a month ago but you have failed to listen to my advice. So following in the footsteps of Andy Dufresne, I will write a similar letter every single time I feel you are being a Boston douchebag. I'm guessing this will be every week, but would be surprised if not.

And I'm not saying you can't write about Boston teams. Boston does have professional sport teams. However, you write opinion pieces for a national sports media behemoth called ESPN. You are not in Boston anymore. And it's time to reflect this and stop writing 75% of your columns about Boston teams. For one, most people don't give a f$ck. At one time many of us found you a must read. You were different. You made us laugh. In general, you made sense. Now, not so much my friend. And it's rather sad. It's not unlike the hot chick in HS who you see after college has gained 50 pounds. Sure, she could also get hot again but the odds are against it happening.

So I ask you once again to do your job as a national media representative and stop fixating on Boston. There are plenty of Boston douchenags I run into daily that I don't need to have ESPN employ one. If you continue on this path, you must be aware. I'm coming for your job. This may seem like a weak threat but stranger things have happened, ie, Giants beating your beloved Patriots (get it, douchebag!).

I really don't mean any ill will. I am just saddened but your recent suckiness and would like to be able to turn back the clock to the days when I would block off time to read your new article. Now, I may get to it if I have nothing else to do or am bored.

Your Pal,

Tom G

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*sports*guy *media*Tom G *ESPN*douchebag*Bill+Simmons *Boston