Introducing Bitter Cold

So these "geniuses" at Life Is Crap asked me if I would write a post for them. What a bunch of pathetic, mama's boys. Too lazy to do the job yourself so you turn to a real man. Well, Bitter Cold aint' no pussy and he aint' gonna allow no "brainiac" nobodys insinuate that he is.

This is my time of year. The time when the men get separated from the women and children. Way I estimate it, this world is broken up as follows: 1% Men, 25% Children, 74% Women. Sure, there are a lot of Women pretending to be Men but they aint' Men. Sometimes Women can also be broken into subgroups such as Pussy and Douchebag, but I'm no scientists or nothing.

And that's my job - to show the world where the men at. Real men, tough enough to withstand my wrath and take it like a man. Most people start crying and complaining and grab their blankets and scarves and gloves. F$ck that! Give me a cup of coffee and a bowl of chili and that will keep me warm for days.

And every year everyone acts so surprised. It's as if I haven't been coming around for the last million+ years. Yeah, I'm old. But I can still kick your ass! It's like Easter. You may not know when I'll come every year but you better believe I'm coming and taking names. "I can't believe how cold it is. I'm gonna stay inside." Boo Frickin' Whoo. Time to change your diaper. I just proved that your a women. Now STFU!

Well, I better get back to work. Don't be surprised if I smack ya upside yo head.

Tags:

*silly*funny*Bitter Cold*men*women *Life Is Crap