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Thursday, February 01, 2007

Sam Eagle: Nancy Pelosi is Inferior!

Ladies and Gentleman,

I would like to welcome you to the Sam Eagle column, your compassionate conservative voice of reason. I will attempt in this brief piece of political discourse to paint the Democratic party and their sympathizers as a bunch of wimpy hippies who indulge in morally corrupt unbridled silliness. It is suffice to say that I am not pleased with their kind. The Democrats recent success at securing the Senate and House of Representatives has irked me considerably. From my unbiased point of view, these are dire times.

I have observed many pinko Democrat sympathizers over the years. Although these substandard brain-damaged creatures are friendly by nature, they are extremely dangerous to our country's vital institutions.

Take for instance the frog. The frog and I have been "seemingly" good friends in reality we are just mere acquaintances. I would never in my wildest dreams envision having a beer with that frog! I rather gouge out my eyes with a wooden spoon!

I wouldn't say that I despise the frog, I simply tolerate and feel sorry for his kind. The frog as we are all aware suffers from many deadly diseases, which include: liberalism, turrets, bestiality, flailing arms syndrome, and unhinged silliness. Normally I would not associate with his despicable kind, but I feel that it is my duty as an American to combat the moral train wreck, which is the Muppet Show.

Honestly, can you really believe that an upright citizen such as myself could really approve of frog-pig love? I do not think so! It is as repulsive as the love affair between Ernie and Bert. My god, I am astounded by the gay agenda factor on Sesame Street. It boggles the mind! Utter nonsense!

America has lost it's way and it shames me to no end. It seemed like only yesterday when the majority of you elected the handsome savvy young man from Texas to represent you with the backing of a morally correct Congress. I applauded you and felt we were all finally on the right track to ending silliness once and for all.

Sadly, I now stand corrected. This past election was stolen from us! How could the American public turn it's back on what is wholesome, decent and American and replace it with swine! Mark my words...Nancy Pelosi will ruin this country! She's a girl and girls are inferior! Look at me! I'm a manly eagle for Christ's sake. Do not judge me by color, which is an ironic blue; I'm a red blooded blue eagle here!

I would like to end our correspondence here today. I promised myself that I would stop before I became engrossed in bitter thoughts. Clearly, it has not taken very long.

Stop the silliness America! Be strong! Be conservative! Follow the eagle! Together we can rebuild America into a morally correct and prosperous society.

Thank you and good night,

Samuel Preston Eagle

This article was reprinted with much silliness from Real Clear Politics, a conservative political opinion web site.

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