Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Giuliani and McCain: Evil Enough for GOP?

Maybe Americans will have a real president in 2008. A candidate who is genuine and competent enough that both sides of the aisle can be satisfied. Based on who is running right now, it certainly appears that this is a real possibility.

I must find my dignity! Have you seen it?

Then again maybe I am being delusional. It's a long time until '08. There certainly will be many new horses entering the race.

Does anyone think for a minute that the Republicans will allow Giuliani to be their presidential candidate? Similarly does McCain have a chance?

Looks like gollum +25 points, does not hate gays enough -35 points.

These guys are not evil enough for the Republican party. Although McCain has started his shift to the dark side through the gentle coercing of Cheney.

Cheney and G.O.B. have more in common than I thought.

I imagine that they both will have to pass a loyalty test administrated by our beloved Decider in Chief. Here are some of the questions that all GOP presidential hopefuls will have to answer:

Are you incompetent and mean-spirited enough to be president?

Can you say, "heck of a job (insert name)," while one of America's most important historical cities crumbles into chaos?

Are you capable of saying, "I support the troops," and then propose benefit cuts and VA hospital closures?

Are you capable of mangling the English language or putting a horse expert in charge of an important government agency?

Do you like freedom fries?

Do you like freedom fries with ketchup?

Can you say, "things are going great over there," while more and more American soldiers get killed?

Will you beat my record for vacation days?

Who is your base?

Have you given a much needed tax cut to a company making record profits?

Have you accepted Jesus as your savior?

Do you hate the estate tax?

What do you think about tax cuts for unborn fetuses?

How about stem cells?

Have you saved a brain dead woman today?

Have you ever caught gay?

What will you do to lower minimal wage?

Will you wear a cowboy hat?

How often will you wear the cowboy hat?

Can you tremble when you say 9/11?

How long can you make out with Ann Coulter?

How about Dick Cheney? (Trick question)

What's your favorite terror alert level?

Can you make kids pay more money on their college loans?

Do you like opening up other people's mail?

How about listening to their phone calls?

What do you think about a dictatorship with me in charge?

How about a police state?

What do you think about outsourcing port security to countries which have terrorism ties?

Do you have a failure of imagination?

When was the last time you thought of Ronald Reagan?

When was the last time you thought of me?

Isn't global warming, I mean climate change nice?

Can you resist urges to catch Osama bin Laden?

Can you veto everything that comes from a Democrat controlled branch of government?

How many hours of Fox News do you watch?

How many hours of CNN?

What's your thoughts on Koyoto?

How much federal land can you give to timber companies?

Where do you want to drill for oil?

Do you like torture and how much?

What do you like more: quick and nimble or bloated?

Can you beat me in a foot race?

Are you a compassionate conservative based on my definition?

Can you mumble?

How do you feel about bubbles?

Will your dog have his own White House Christmas special?

Can you pay the media off and not get caught?

Would you invite a gay male prostitute into the White House press corps?

How about Clay Aiken?

How much brain power are using?

Don't poor people suck?

Do you think that working poor is very American?

How much should people pay for health insurance?

Do they deserve insurance?

How do you feel about feeding them?

How about repairing their shacks after a failure of imagination?

Did you belong to Skull and Bones?

Did you serve in Vietnam?

Did you go over there?

Do you make fun of war heroes?

Can you call them wimps?

Are you capable of insulting a soldier's parent?

Multiple times?

To their face?

Are people scared of you?

Does your daddy help you?

How much?

Do you have to win his love by being president?

Can you question people's patriotism?

Why are we in Iraq?

Have you ever been on the internets?

Do you read the internets or the papers?

Will you do "hard work" or just say "hard work"?

Doesn't Obama rhyme with Osama?

How much do you hate Hillary Clinton?

Can you deny all responsibility?

Can you get that misty lost look in your eyes?

How about looking shocked about the words you're reading of a teleprompter?

What's your favorite baseball team?

Will you dress up in a flight suit?

Will you wear a cod piece?

How good are you with slogans?

Will you keep Karl Rove on the payroll?

What do you think about the death penalty?

Are you with us or against us?

How much do you love Halliburton?

Can you leave every child behind?

What do you think about banning scientists, engineers, and intellectuals from government positions?

How about censoring them?

Can you destroy the Constitution?

How about the Bill of Rights?

No caption required.

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