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Friday, July 07, 2006

Super Grover: How I got My Super Hero Hat Part 1

Grover just released chapter 2 of the Super Grover Memoir: "Super Grover and His Super Letters of Super Legendary Acts of Superness," which we will now share with you. Long hail Super Grover and his acts of superness. You can read chapter one: here.


Chapter 2: How I got my Super Hero Hat Part 1


Hi Boys and Girls,
This is your pal Grover, the greatest most awesomest super hero the world has ever known. I'm here to tell the tale of how I got my nifty Super Hero Hat.

After my first flight and crash, I knew that I was going to be someone super. It was inevitable, but I needed some sort of noodle protection. I thought about it all day long while I sulked in Sesame General Hospital. I went through all the logical options: fire fighter helmet, hockey helmet, football helmet, baseball helmet, etc... None of them seemed super hero enough. Some even seemed borderline ridiculous.

The day I got out of Sesame General, Louis and Gordon took me to Medieval Times. For those of you who don't know, it's this awesome place where you watch Knights battle it out while you eat with your hands.

Unfortunately for me that f*cking bastard Big Bird came a long. "Why, are they wearing metal clothes," asked Big Bird 8,791 times. "Why are they riding horses? Why are they fighting? Why are we here," Big Bird continued to ask. Within 5 minutes I had a splitting headache. This was more painful than the bathtub scene with Burt and Ernie. I wanted to leave, but I was strangely attracted to the helmet the knights were wearing.

It was shiny, built soundly, and was definitely stylish. I started getting giddy at the thought of me wearing it. Surely, it would get the attention of Maria who I often thought about banging. Boys and Girls, she has one hot butt. Have you ever seen her in blue jeans?

I needed to get that helmet, but how? Using my super hero sized brain, I reached the conclusion that I would need to work at Medieval Times. It was a good plan, because I came up with it. After watching the excellent show, I went to the front desk and asked for an application.

"What are you doing, Grover," asked Louis.

"Yeah. Don't you have a job with the Public Broadcasting Station," asked Gordon.

"I don't think our current sponsors, the letters I, Q, and the number 7 will be too pleased with this development,"stated Louis.

"Really? I thought that P, T, and the number 2 were our sponsors. Damnit. I got to read those memos," sighed Gordon.

"Why," said Big Bird who was really getting on my nerves.

"This job is only temporary," I responded quickly. "I just want to earn my helmet and nothing more."

Gordon and Louis looked confused. Big Bird looked like his brain was about to explode. I didn't expect their non-super hero brains to grasp my super hero plots. They never flew before. They never hit a brick wall flying faster than a speeding bullet. What did they know about the trials that super heroes went through? They were just mere mortals without a snazzy silky purple cape.

That night, I spent 7 hours filling out the form. It was hard boys and girls. They asked me all sorts of questions such as: home address, phone number, age, race, and sex (1-5 times per day). Thank heavens that I'm a super hero, otherwise forget about it. I mailed the application the first thing next morning.

Two weeks later, Medieval Times called my house. "We would like to schedule an interview with you," said Martha Henry the manager of the restaurant. I was so excited that I almost wet my couch. I scheduled the meeting for that later that afternoon.

It was hard answering all those questions especially since Martha was so ugly. I was hoping that they would knight me right away, but instead she made me a stable boy.

"You have to work up to be a knight," said Martha as her fat crumb filled face bit into another jelly doughnut. "You don't go from zero to hero off the bat. This is show business."

I despised her crumb spitting face instantly. The only thing that kept me from running at her with flailing blue arms was the thought of Maria in a skimpy polka dot bikini.

"Fine. I will be your stable boy," I grumbled.

"Excellent, you can start next Monday night," said Martha.

She reached out to shake my hand, but super heroes don't shake hands. They wave and fly into the night. I didn't have my cape with me, so I just waved awkwardly.

"Ummm.. Ok then, see you on Monday, stable boy," said Martha with a sinister smile.

"What a b*tch," I thought to myself. This was going to be a lot harder than I imagined.

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3 Comments:

Anonymous Brotha Ramses II said...

Damn 'ga, why y'all be hatin' awn Groves? Y'all best not be treating my man Groves like he some bitcthazz mark cause homes WILL put a cap in yo' ass, son. Fo real, McNiel.

7/07/2006 05:53:00 PM  
Blogger Mike K said...

Super Grover has been known to overcome great hurdles. After all he is blue, scrawny, and a muppet. Although this woman nearly ended his career, he did somehow manage to become a mainstream super hero.

7/08/2006 10:21:00 AM  
Blogger melanaise said...

yes, Grover can take a beating.

7/14/2006 10:01:00 PM  

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