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Thursday, July 13, 2006

Stop Stalking My Daddy


I just received this letter from Wesley Owens and thought I would replicate it here:

Dear Women Stalking My Daddy,

My Daddy is a good man. Every week it seems there is a life lesson he is teaching me along with America. Sure, Mr Belvedere is often left with the responsibility of actually fixing the problem. But that's only because my daddy is busy working and making a living and putting food on the table. Without his money, we wouldn't have Mr Belvedere and then many of life's little lessons wouldn't be taught.

Once when Mr Belvedere was on vacation I broke the Hufnagel's window for the umpteenth time with my football and my daddy had to talk to the Hufnagels. He sat me down and punished me but he also explained to me why he was punishing me. Ultimately he made me realize the error of my ways and has made me a better person because of it.

Ever since you started stalking my daddy my family has fallen apart. My brother Kevin has relapsed and is regularly drunk. And this is after the incident that Mr Belvedere fixed. My mommy has had to cut back her hours at the law firm to look after us. It was hard enough for her to return to school and the workplace after raising us. Now she has to cut her advancement short to make sure our safety is secured. And my sister won't leave the house, which wouldn't be so bad if her friend Angela didn't always come over. You would think she would have learned to pronounce Belvedere by now but just yesterday she called him Mr Butterfinger. And me, I've reverted to throwing footballs at the Hufnagel's windows. Things are looking rather bleak right now at the Owens household. Sure, we have Mr Belvedere to hold things together, but even he has limitations. While snooping in his room, I noticed he has not entered a new journal entry in months. Most nights he falls asleep exhausted at the kitchen table with a half eaten sandwich.

This year my birthday wish and Christmas gift is for you to stop stalking my daddy. Would you disappoint a devilish yet cute kid like myself?

Sincerely,

Wesley T Owens

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