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Friday, July 28, 2006

Riff Randell On Terror Watch List

Riff Randell with The Ramones in Vince Lombardi High School

Our exclusive sources inside the Department of Homeland Security have informed us that Riff Randell and the entire class of Vince Lombardi High 1979 are on the US's terror watch list. When informed that Riff Randell was a fictional character played by PJ Soles in the movie "Rock n' Roll High School", said official thanked us for giving him the name of terror suspect PJ Soles. The next hour was spent trying to explain to the official the difference between real people and fictional/imaginary people. Unfortunately, we ended up outing The Ramones, Santa Claus, Pinnocchio, Leroy from the comic strip The Lockhorns, and Taylor Hicks (well, we knew what we were doing but he won't get off the TV), among others.

The confusion apparently started a few months ago when the government official was watching TV on a Sunday afternoon trying to ease his hangover. While flipping stations, he came across what he thought was a news report. In reality, it was the end of "Rock n' Roll High School" and the news reporter was "Screamin'" Steve Stevens. Upon seeing the act of defiance and vandalism by the Lombardi students, the official took notes and decided to continue watching. While confused by the outdated clothing and grainy picture on his screen, the official just thought it was the uniform of the Lombardi terrorist organization and he was just experiencing a severe hangover. Upon detonation of the explosives that blew up part of the school, the official left his apartment and headed straight to his office to file a special report. He wanted to make sure he filed the paperwork before the terrorist organization struck again. Too bad he didn't stick around 10 more minutes, for he would have noticed the credits and might have realized it was a movie and not a breaking news story.

Unfortunately for the fictional characters of Vince Lombardi High, it is nearly impossible to remove yourself from the terror watch list. And since there is no real oversight, these characters will remain in a government database for years to come. The real victims of this mistake ultimately are the children...the children of parents who named them after characters from the movie, such as Riff Randell, Tom Roberts, Eaglebauer, and Kate Rambeau.

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1 Comments:

Blogger melanaise said...

pretty sure we are all on a terror watch list.

7/31/2006 04:38:00 AM  

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