Monday, July 17, 2006

Michael Myers Slays White Sox

Michael Myers, key to Yankees playoff hopes?

After multiple killing sprees in the town of Haddonfield, IL on many Halloween nights, Michael Myers has decided to settle down in the Bronx. Instead of seeking a life of quiet anonymity, Michael Myers has been resurrected with a second career as a left handed relief specialist for the NY Yankees. Lost amidst all the panic and terror he brought to the residents of Haddonfield was the passion Michael Myers had toward baseball. As a youngster, Michael relished the whiffle ball games with the neighbor kids and the many White Sox games he attended with his father. That all changed on the fateful Halloween night in 1963 when he murdered his sister.

15 years later on Halloween, Michael Myers escaped from his instituition and went on a murderous rampage trying to murder his other sister. No matter how many other people and dogs he killed, he just couldn't kill her. It definitely was not as easy as striking out the orderlies with the sweeping curve he learned while in the institution.

Based on what reality you live in, Michael's sister either died in a car accident or became part of the witness protection program. In the latter reality, Michael spent the next 20+ years honing his skills on the diamonds throughout Anytown USA. On a trip through CA, he ran into his sister again and the murderous impulses. After failing to kill her again, Michael went into hiding once again, only to finally kill his sister. At this point, he thought his murdering destiny was over. Unfortunately, Busta Rhymes and a bunch of idiot teens were in his house. So he did what only Michael Myers could do.

Free from the burden of trying to kill his family, Michael Myers was finally able to pursue his goal of playing baseball. Fast forward to 2006. Michael Myers is now the left handed relief specialist in the Yankees bullpen and he has a whole new lease on life. It seems like centuries ago that he was burned with Dr Loomis in the Haddonfield hospital.

Over the weekend, Michael Myers proved once again why he may be the secret weapon if the Yankees are to win the World Series crown that has alluded them over these last years. With 2 men on and no outs and Jim Thome up to bat, Myers got him to weakly pop out to the center fielder with only one pitch. After that, the White Sox were dead - Michael Myers slayed the White Sox with a single pitch, just like he used to do to the good folks of Haddonfield, IL.

On the season, Myers is 0-0 with a 1.53 ERA and 13 Ks. At the rate he's going, he may become part of a whole new Murderers Row at Yankee Stadium.

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