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Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Guilty Pleasure: Seventh Heaven

Recently the wife turned me on to the WB classic Seventh Heaven. This has to be worst and most poorly written television show ever. How awful? Well, I've been watching the last couple of old episode and the plot revolves around cell phones usage, losing rings, secrets that come out while eating milk and cookies, keeping secrets, and an annoying set of 5 year old twins who finish each other's sentences and can't keep secrets.

The Lame Cast of a Lame Show

Most shows use a single theme for an episode, not Seventh Heaven. They use three or four themes and use them all season long as much as possible. I knew from watching one episode that the family found cell phones annoying. I'm glad to see the continuity four or five episodes later.

This leads me to milk and cookies. The family members have secrets. Not very good ones, mind you, but big enough in their minds that they want to keep them secrets. The father lost his wedding ring 30 some years ago and replaced it. Simon had to take incompletes in his classes to work extra hours at his job to afford whiney girl's engagement ring.

Who do they tell their secrets to? That's right the wonder twins: David and Sam; a pair of five year olds who believe that keeping secrets can cause you to die. We all know how good kids are at keeping secrets (roll of the eyes). These kids are no vaults let me tell you. All the secrets are told over milk and cookies. All the secrets are broken over milk and cookies. Surprise!

To the writers credit, when Lucy's husband David loses his wedding ring, he doesn't run over and tell the wonder twins. She find it later that episode while vacuuming the house. The bummed David feels so bad about losing it that he doesn't want to put in on a for awhile. I was breathless for ten minutes until it was resting on his finger once again.

The best way to watch this awful show about a Protestant minister and his family is to make it into a drinking game. I argue that unless you are retarded for Jesus and have no sense of what's constitutes good then this show is completely unwatchable.

Personally, I plan on netflixing the last season and drinking a shot every time I see those f*cking annoying twins. In addition to hating those brats, I harbor a healthy disgust for the whiney girl who is supposed to marry Simon. Third on the hate list is Alberto, the fellow who used to date whiney girl and still carries a torch for her several years after they broke up.

It's hard to believe that this corny Jesus show used to draw 5.1 million viewers making it WB's most popular show of all time. The network excecs were planning on canceling it, but CW who bought out WB is resurrecting this show after a large audience tuned in for the finale. It looks like, I'm going to be growing a big ol' beer belly this fall.

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6 Comments:

Blogger Tom G said...

I like the idea of a drinking game, as this may be the worse show that's ever lasted this long. I have never been able to make it through more than 5 minutes without wanting to punch myself in the head. Good luck with watching all those episodes. I would discourage it though. I've been watching "Six Feet Under" for the past few months and am glad I only have 2 more episodes left. Then again, ***SPOILER ALERT***, the few episodes after Nate died were excrutiatingly depressing.

7/11/2006 01:45:00 PM  
Blogger Mike K said...

I'm a masochist. I watch the show sober and start screaming like a freak once the Olsen twin knockoffs walk in. My wife says that the neighbors must think that we are fighting. This show exceeds awful.

7/11/2006 02:29:00 PM  
Anonymous Craig said...

The milk and cookies thing was a huge product placement by Oreo. They did something similar with Campbell's soup labels this season. Apparently "not selling out" is not a moral worth teaching on this show.

Yes, my wife makes me watch 7th Heaven too.

You are right about those twins, they seriously make the Olson twins look like good actors. Hell, they make Raven-Symone look like a freakin prodigy.

7/11/2006 06:20:00 PM  
Blogger betmo said...

there's a reason jessica biel left- you know that right? i worked at a girl's group home for years and i suffered through this show, charmed, buffy the vampire slayer- you know the wb in it's entirety. why doesn't someone shoot that network and put us all out of our misery?

7/11/2006 10:11:00 PM  
Blogger melanaise said...

I swear I have never been hooked on a story line in that show....
*looking around nervously*

7/13/2006 10:36:00 PM  
Blogger marit said...

I am very excited to share a link where you all can download 7th heaven episode online...also can watch episode online...i know that many people looking for download 7the heven but couldn't got any good site yet..

11/27/2008 02:12:00 AM  

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