Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Guy Who Looks Like a Serial Killer Expected to be Drafted Early

Adam Morrison, the 6'8" small forward from Gonzaga, is expected to be one of the top 5 picks in the upcoming NBA Draft. This will mark the first time ever that someone with serial killer looks has been drafted so high. So far the rumor that Morrison is the son of The Unabomber has been unsubstantiated, but Life Is Crap will continue to investigate.

While most GMs remain quiet about Morrison's draft prospects, one can't help but wonder if this will shatter the killer barrier that has plagued the NBA since its inception. I hesitate to call Morrison the Jackie Robinson of people who look like serial killers, but it's hard not to find the similarities. Previously the NBA has turned their backs on killers, as evidenced by Jayson Williams' banishment from the league after murdering his driver. Apparently now the NBA is willing to embrace the serial killer who resides deep inside all of us.

As news of Morrison's acceptance has swept the league, rumors have swirled around actual serial killer acquisitions. The Chicago Bulls are said to be actively pursuing the local hometown kid Michael Myers from Haddonfield, IL. While undersized for a center, it's hard to argue with the thought of a mass murderer with a knife patrolling the lane. At the very least, he will cause opposing teams to think twice before attacking the rim. And with machete in hand, the NY Knicks are said to have worked out Jason Voorhees in front of Isiah Thomas. Unfortunately, no one could seem to get through the idea of basketball to Jason and many many people died.

So we'll have to keep our eyes peeled on June 27th to see if the serial killer lookalike line is broken and how this impacts the NBA game. The NBA - this game is dangerous!

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