Monday, March 06, 2006

Will Kid K Win His 3rd Straight Cy Young?

In Bizarro Earth, Kerry Wood is also a chart-topping musician

It's Spring training again, which can only mean one thing - Kerry Wood is once again injured or coming back from injury or moments away from getting injured. This year, he's actually 2 of the 3 - while coming back from shoulder surgery, a MRI discovered something wrong with his knee and he will have minor arthroscopic knee surgery tomorrow. Of course that doesn't stop Cubs fans from flocking to Wriglet Field with their We Got Wood T-shirts. Yet somewhere in another dimension, what I'll refer to as Bizarro Earth, Kerry Wood is preparing to win his 3rd consecutive Cy Young Award.

Bizarro Earth and the Earth I'm blogging from were one and the same until a fateful night in October. The Cubs were battling the Marlins in the NLCS and were up 3-0 with 5 outs until the World Series. Luis Castillo was up to bat facing Mark Prior and hit a foul ball down the left field line. At this point, Bizarro Earth and my Earth began to deviate. In my Earth, Steve Bartman interferred with Moises Alou and the ball was foul. From that point on, the Cubs collapsed and lost the NLCS to the Marlins, who went on to win the World Series to the dismay of all Cubs fans. But things were different in Bizarro Earth.

In Bizarro Earth, Moises Alou made a spectacular leap and caught Castillo's foul fly out as Steve Bartman physically restrained all fans in his section. At this point, Prior threw one of those Bugs Bunny pitches, causing Ivan Rodriguez to strike out on 1 wacky pitch. The Cubs went on to win the NLCS and then the World Series, with Kerry Wood named MVP of the NLCS and the World Series.

But that was just the springboard for Kid K. He vowed to prove the postseason was no fluke and worked harder in the offseason than ever, even improving his notoriously poor mechanics. Throughout 2004, he was unstoppable. Posting a 27-2 record with a 1.76 ERA and 366 Ks, Kerry Wood was unanimously named Cy Young and MVP of the National League. He then guided the Cubs to a second straight World Series victory, pitching 5 shutouts.

Then, Kerry Wood got to work. Not content to just dominating big league hitters, Kerry Wood recorded the greatest CD ever recorded, single handedly causing peace to break out across the globe. And before you knew it, it was Spring Training again. So Kid K decided to get down to brass tacks. But when the regular season was over, Kerry had bested his 2004 with a 39-0 record with a 0.21 ERA and 512 Ks. In the postseason, he was 11-0 with 11 shutouts as the Cubs won their 3rd straight World Series.

As we approach 2005 in Bizarro Earth, the question is how can Kerry Wood possibly top himself. In the offseason, he discovered the cure for cancer and AIDS. Rumor has it he's close to solving the mathematical proof that God exists which baffled St Thomas Aquinas. Yet he always finds time for baseball. A 50 win season is not out of the question, as Kerry Wood is a medical marvel. Let's just say that every team had better hope Kerry Wood tires of baseball soon or else they are just playing for second place.
Kerry Wood links:
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Anonymous Matt p said...

If no one else loves this, I loved this. Nice postin T-bone.

3/07/2006 02:46:00 AM  

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